Monday, October 31, 2011

Trick Or Treat

Ladies and gentlemen, for your reading pleasure this Halloween evening, I give you a micro-story written with the invaluable help of our dear friend Thalia.

Before we begin, I'd just like to point out that the Friend-Gets-Friend competition is now officially CLOSED. I'll spend the next day or so compiling all the names of the people who took part, and then I'll pick ten random winners.

But for now, my Minions, here's Tanith and Billy-Ray, in Trick Or Treat.



Tanith wiped the blood off the carving knife and, ignoring the body of the man she had just stabbed to death, went back to carving her jack-o-lantern.

Her skill with a blade always came in useful this time of year. While other people would be satisfied with triangular eyes and jagged teeth, Tanith transformed her Halloween pumpkins into works of slowly-rotting art. Tonight, she was carving a portrait of her dear friend and object of worship Valkyrie Cain. By all accounts, poor Valkyrie still refused to embrace her destiny as destroyer of the world, but Tanith could forgive her this little bout of self-doubt. After all, if Tanith herself hadn’t been corrupted by a Remnant then she would have been helping Val run from the inevitable.

It was the Remnant inside her, the thing of cruelty and nastiness, that had shared with Tanith this vision of the future, when Valkyrie would become Darquesse and burn all life to a cinder. It had been a glorious revelation, one that had spurred Tanith on to schemes and plans she had never before thought herself capable. But the fact was there were no more Remnants out there. Her kith and kin were all trapped and locked away and hidden from her- so Tanith was on her own. More or less. She had a Texan psychopath who was besotted with her, and there were times when he certainly did come in useful. But she didn’t love him. Her love was reserved for Darquesse, and Darquesse alone.

She put down the carving knife and picked up a candle, placed it carefully inside the jack-o-lantern. She lit it and stepped back. It was a good likeness. No, it was a great likeness. Valkyrie was such a pretty girl, and Tanith had to resist the urge to take a picture and send it to her. But she knew that Valkyrie would only tell Skulduggery, and Skulduggery would trace the picture back here to this small town in Ohio, and suddenly there’d be Cleavers, Cleavers everywhere. It was all so unfair. All Tanith wanted to do was protect Darquesse from the people who were planning on harming her, after all. She was on Valkyrie’s side, in a way. Why couldn’t Val see that?

Headlights looped in around the room, and Tanith went to the window, looked out. A battered old car lurched to a stop outside the house next door, and a shabby middle-aged man climbed out. As she watched him hitch his trousers higher around his waist, Tanith made sure to keep her mind calm and free of violent thought. There were Sensitives who could pick up feelings of hostility, and while she didn’t know if Jerry Ordain was one of them, she couldn’t take the chance. There was too much riding on tonight to risk a stray thought at the wrong time. The fact that he came home at all meant that he hadn’t foreseen tonight’s events, and that was a promising start.

Of course, it was entirely possible that Jerry knew full well she was there, and he had a trap waiting for her the moment she made a move. But that was the trouble with Sensitives- it was very hard to sneak up on them.

She took her sword from the table and left through the back door. She sprung lightly over the fence, landed without a sound in Jerry’s yard as lights flicked on in the house. She crept to the window. No sign of an ambush. She saw Jerry ambling into the kitchenette. If he sensed her watching him, he gave no sign.

Taking a breath, Tanith moved to the door, and rested her hand against the lock. It clicked open and she moved in silently. Jerry was a bachelor, and lived like it. The house smelled of dust and old socks. She slid her sword from its scabbard and walked up the wall. Those floorboards were old and she didn’t trust them not to creak. She crept upside-down along the ceiling, careful not to disturb the bulb as she passed it or cast her shadow onto her target. Jerry had his back to her, and was making himself a massive sandwich. She reached the far wall and walked down until she was standing normally again. He still didn’t turn around. She took out her phone, sent a text. A few moments later, Billy-Ray Sanguine rose up from the floor beside her.

They waited for Jerry to sense the hostility that only a psychopath of Sanguine’s stature could muster- the kind of hostility that he could never conceal, no matter how hard he tried. Instead, Jerry continued making his sandwich. Tanith was impressed at how cool and collected he was. It was almost as if he wasn’t even aware of their presence. Jerry started humming to himself, and Sanguine looked at her. She frowned back. Now it really seemed like he wasn’t aware of their presence.

Once he had piled every conceivable type of meat onto his sandwich, Jerry cut off the crusts, and then sliced it down the middle. He picked up one half, raised it slowly to his mouth and bit into it as he turned. He saw them and shrieked, spitting it all out again as he stumbled back against the fridge. A bit of lettuce hung wetly off his chin.

“Hi,” said Tanith. “Just checking- you are Jerry Ordain, right?”

The man stood there, eyes bulging. “Whuh,” he said.

“Jerry Ordain? You are Jerry the psychic, aren’t you?”

He shook his head. The piece of lettuce fell away. “No. Not me. No. Wrong person.”

“Then who are you?” Sanguine asked.

The man gaped at him. “Me?”

It was Jerry. It was obviously Jerry, from the look on his face as his fear-frozen mind tried coming up with a false name. “I’m... I’m...”

Sanguine added an edge to his voice. “What’s your damn name?”

“Jerry!” Jerry blurted. “But not the Jerry you’re looking for! I’m a different Jerry!”

Jerry had to be the worst liar Tanith had ever met.

“I’ll get him, though,” Jerry said, stepping sideways. “If you stay right there I’ll get him. Just stay there. I’ll be right back, with Jerry. The Jerry you’re looking for.”

Sanguine strolled over to intercept him, and Jerry reversed direction, started heading for the window.

“Make yourselves at home,” he was saying. “Want a sandwich? I just made a sandwich. You can have my sandwich. I won’t be long. Thirty seconds, tops.”

“Jerry,” Tanith said, “we’ve come a long way to talk to you.”

He shook his head. “”You’ve come a long way to talk to the other Jerry...”

Tanith showed him her sword. Jerry stared. And then he bolted for the window.

In his haste, however, he completely forgot about the coffee table, and when his shin smacked into it he barely had time to howl before his face hit the floor. Tanith watched him contort in pain, one hand at his shin, the other covering his mouth. He’d bitten his tongue. She winced. She hated that.

Tears in his eyes, Jerry launched himself up and ran into the wall. He rebounded impressively, gave a little whirl, and staggered to the window. Clumsy hands fumbled at the latch. He finally raised it, glanced behind him to make sure he still had time, and in that moment the window closed. Jerry turned back and dove into the glass, cracking it and careering backwards. He collapsed onto the rug and curled up into a sobbing, moaning ball.

“Pleathe,” he lisped, “shtop hurting me.”

Tanith sighed. “We haven’t touched you, Jerry.”

“I seen a lot of things in my time,” Sanguine said, “but I ain’t never seen a man beat himself up before. That was highly entertainin’.”

Tanith walked over to Jerry as he continued to sob. 

“Pleathe don’t kill me.”

“Don’t worry,” Tanith said, her voice soothing. “We weren’t planning on it.”

Sanguine looked at her, surprised. “We weren’t? Why not? He’s clearly an idiot.”

She glared. “We’re not here to hurt anyone. We’re here to ask some questions and leave.”

“But we’ll be killin’ him before we go, won’t we?”

Jerry squealed softly.

“No we won’t,” Tanith insisted. “Violence is not always the answer, Billy-Ray. This time, Jerry here gets to live out the rest of his life in peace- understand?”

“Barely.”

She hunkered down and patted Jerry on the shoulder. “Don’t mind him, Jerry. He’s cranky. He’s used to being the only American in my life, but now there’s you. Jealousy is a terrible thing in a grown man, isn’t it?”

“I ain’t jealous.”

“Of course not, dear. Jerry, what do you say you answer our questions and then we leave you alone? Does that sound good to you?”

Jerry nodded.

“Good man. How’s your tongue?”

“I bith it.”

“I can see that.”

“Ith bleeding.”

“I can see that too.”

He stuck his tongue out at her. “Ith it bad?”

His tongue was bloody and horrible. She took a small leaf from her coat, and placed it delicately into his mouth. “Don’t say anything for a few seconds. Let that heal.”

Jerry blinked at her. His eyes were wet. He wasn’t an impressive human being.

“Show me,” she said, and he stuck his tongue out again. She nodded. “It’s healing. It was only a small bite. Now you can answer our questions, can’t you?”

He nodded, and she stood.

“You’re involved with a group of people, aren’t you? A group of sorcerers from different Sanctuaries around the world.”

“How... how did you know that?”

“I’ve spent the last few months asking a lot of people a lot of questions. See, I figured there’d be someone out there who would be trying to do something about Darquesse before she even turned up. That’s when I heard your name for the first time. You’re a psychic, aren’t you Jerry?”

“I... I prefer the term clairvoyant.”

Tanith did her best not to roll her eyes. “Clairvoyant, of course. And as a clairvoyant, you would have seen visions of Darquesse.”

“Of course,” Jerry said, nodding. He was still on the floor, but he was sitting a little straighter now. His chest puffed out slightly. “Even low-level Sensitives picked up something. For a clairvoyant of my ability, it was a veritable tsunami of images and sensations and emotions. Very powerful.”

“What did you see?”

“I saw death.”

Sanguine gave a barely-suppressed sigh.

“What do you mean?” Tanith asked, smiling at Jerry.

“I saw a city destroyed. Streets cracked and broken. Buildings burning. And I saw her. I saw Darquesse.”

“Did you see her face?”

“Alas, no, I did not,” said Jerry, and Tanith resisted smacking him for using the word alas in an irony-free context. “But there is no doubt in my mind that it was her. Ten foot tall, she was. A terrible sight to behold.”

“Ten foot tall?” Sanguine asked.

Jerry nodded. “Oh yes. Easily. And the way she moved... like a cat.”

Sanguine frowned behind his sunglasses. “What, on all fours?”

“Pardon me?”

Sanguine continued. “I heard from another psychic- sorry, clairvoyant- that Darquesse had long black fingernails that she used to cut off people’s heads. Did you see that?”

Jerry nodded. “It was awful.”

“And she shot laser beams out of her eyes.”

“Well,” Jerry said with a shrug, “I don’t know if they were laser beams, but yes. Devastating blasts, they were.”

“This clairvoyant friend of ours,” Sanguine continued, “he also caught a glimpse of red hair beneath her cloak. Did you see that? Don’t worry if you didn’t. Our friend is probably the most powerful Sensitive in the world, I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t see as much as him.”

“Red hair?” Jerry said. “Yes. Yes, I saw that too, now that you mention it. Long, tousled red hair.”

“He said it was straight.”

“Long straight red hair, yes.”

“He said it was short.”

“Short straight red hair, that’s what I meant to say.”

Sanguine looked at Tanith, who glowered and poked Jerry. He screamed. She had poked him with her sword.

“You’re lying to us,” she said. He screamed again. “We don’t have a psychic friend. Billy-Ray made all that stuff up. You didn’t see a vision, did you?”

She twisted the sword and his screams reached a new pitch. “No! No I didn’t! I’m sorry! Please stop stabbing me!”

She withdrew the sword, and wiped the tip of the blade on his shirt. “Are you even a Sensitive, Jerry?”

“I am,” he whimpered, cradling his wound, “but I’m not a very good one. Sometimes... sometimes I can predict the weather, if it’s a nice day.”

“Is it going to rain tomorrow?” Sanguine asked.

“I don’t know,” Jerry confessed. “I can only predict a few minutes into the future. Most of the time I have to watch the forecast like everyone else.”

“You,” Sanguine said, “are the worst psychic I’ve ever met.”

“Does anyone else know that you’re a fraud?” asked Tanith.

“No,” Jerry said, sobbing. “I’ve managed to keep them fooled. It hasn’t been easy, but whenever they ask me to look into the future I always try to be as vague as possible. I talk about shadows and death and ominous feelings, and they generally infer their own meanings onto that and then leave me alone.”

“So when this group of sorcerers asked you to find out more about Darquesse,” Tanith said, “you basically just copied what every other Sensitive was saying?”

“Essentially, yes,” Jerry said. “Can I have a bandage? I’m bleeding quite badly here.”

“First you tell us what they’re planning, and then we’ll see about bandages.”

“I’m losing a lot of blood.”

Tanith let the veins rise beneath her skin, and her black lips curled into a smile. “Tell us what they’re planning.”

Jerry paled, his face going slack. “Yes. Yes, of course. They’re going after weapons. Four weapons, that they think could hurt Darquesse.”

“Where are these weapons?”

“Scattered,” said Jerry. “All over the world. They’re going to go after them.”

“And you know where they’re goin’?” Sanguine asked.

“I have a list of the possible locations.” Jerry took out his wallet, rifled through it, came out with a crumpled piece of paper.

Tanith took it from him, examined it, and nodded. “Looks like we won’t be needing you anymore.”

He brightened. “So that’s it? I can go?”

She pulled him to his feet. “You can go,” she smiled, and her sword flashed and she took off his head.

“You,” Sanguine said, “are delicious when you’re vicious.”

She gave him a smirk, and led the way to the front door. She opened it and froze.

Six little children in Halloween outfits looked up at her.

“Trick or treat,” said the little witch. Surrounding the witch was a pirate, a zombie, a vampire, a Mad Hatter and a rabbit. They rattled their buckets.

“Uh,” said Tanith.

Sanguine appeared at her elbow, and grinned at the kids. “Look,” he said, “there’s a little zombie. Smells a darn sight better than the real thing, doesn’t he? And a vampire! Doesn’t she look cute? And a rabbit!” He faltered. “A rabbit. That... that ain’t exactly scary, though, is it?”

The rabbit looked up at him. “It is if you’re scared of rabbits.”

Tanith nodded. “You’ve got to admit, he makes a good point.”

“You talk funny,” said the witch. “Where are you from?”

Tanith smiled. “I’m from London.”

The pirate frowned. “Is that in France?”

The Mad Hatter scowled. “It’s in England, dummy.” He looked at Tanith. “You’re English. Why do you have a sword?”

“Because I’m an English ninja,” Tanith replied. “We’re just like regular ninjas, except we wear leather and flirt more.”

The kids nodded, satisfied with the definition, and then rattled their buckets again. “Trick or treat,” they chorused.

“This actually isn’t our house,” Tanith told them, “but whatever you find in there, is yours to keep.”

The pirate perked up. “Even the TV?”

“Especially the TV.”

The kids glanced at each other, then stormed the house. Tanith waited a moment, watching them approach Jerry’s headless corpse warily. The rabbit hesitated, then nudged Jerry’s head with his fluffy foot. The head rolled in its own blood, and the rabbit shrugged. “That’s so fake,” he said, and turned to help the pirate with the TV.

5,000 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 400 of 5000   Newer›   Newest»
lego said...

hi peoples!

Jaid :) said...

Amazing Story... I loved it!!!!

Moonie said...

Read this at school, but could not comment!
It was brilliant and creepy and hilarious. My favorite Skuludggery short story by far. Excellent work, derek.
Had a swell time at school today as Valkyrie! nobody recognized me, but I got a lot of compliments, and, when I showed them the backcover of Dark Days, they said I looked just like her. :D
I'll see what I can do about photos, if you guys wanna see...?

Bryn said...

Rawr, Derek, Rawr!!! First off, fricken LOVED the short story. YOU, my Golden God, made my last Halloween (i'm thirteen, time to retire from all the free candy :( ) the best. BEST, I say!!! BEST! But that is not what brings me to the comments section tonight. No, it is not. I've run into a problem. Your short story for Haunted? Can't find it.
CAN'T BLOODLY FIND IT.
That upsets me.
So, is it on the website? In actual book form? I looked on amazon, my God, by it wasn't there. :( This is making me very sad. Please, my God, or, hell, ANYONE, WHERE IS THIS SHORT STORY I'VE HEARD OF???
Btw, I loved how you slipped in that little sneak peak of the four weapons. If my Curiosity was a dog, you'd have just waved a nice big juicy stake in front of it. That short story I'll hold off my Skulduggery hunger for a couple months, anyway.
THANK YOU, GOLDEN GOD!!!

Awsomeknox said...

Hi

Thrust Ominous said...

I'm getting Death Bringer soon.
Thankfully I don't have to order over seas because I'm Canadien, which is why I wasn't sure about entering the contest. But techically Canada is America, (just not US), so with that logic I would be able to enter the contest, and if being in Canada makes me not an Ameriminion, then WHAT AM I!?!

Shadow Whispers said...

a canadiminion

Heather said...

Derek, I love you. Really, I do! Thank you for this wonderful gift!

xo

CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...

Its so awesome im gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<3






















HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finally on now i has ma sweets lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!












Tanith!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





good luck to everyone in friend gets friend competition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xx:P

lego said...

hi cassidy! *hugs*

I don't really know you, but hi!

CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...

please check my skulduggery blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




thanks :D

Kimberly Vex said...

Derek you never disappoint. That was a hilarious story. (^_^) And yay, I'm the Mad Hatter for Halloween. (^_^) And now I must leave. I have to work on science fair. (T.T)


(>^.^)>HAPPY HALLOWEEN<(^.^<)

CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...

Heeeeeeey lego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs* nice to meet u !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! did u have a fun halloween!!!??

lego said...

*hugs*

well, it got cancelled over here, because of horrid snow storms and such. :( so just a kind of sitting around tonight. bleh

how's yours?

CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...

poured down but went around for two hours !!!!!!!!! got loads of sweets !!!!!!!!! hope u still had fun!!!!! :D x

Flame Phoenix said...

Heyy pleasesomeeone be on I just watched paranormal activity 1 I nearly shittin myself me and my cuz have to sleep on couches downstairs.....

Flame Phoenix said...

Cass please be here...2

CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...

oh heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy flame!!!!!!!!!!!!1111i am like never gonna watch and paranormal activity till im like 15 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i actually nearly died of fright from scream!!!!! and harry potter death eaters when i was 8 !!!! :D and the 1st time i watched zombieland but i love it now!!! :D

Flame Phoenix said...

Oh god I don't do scary movies... Neither does she... WORST DECISION EVER

CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...

oh im the same !!!!! though my friend did scream at a chair in scream 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!! feeling sorry for u both !!!!!!!!!!!!! :C

Flame Phoenix said...

My mother started teasing us... She started stomping around the place scratching Walls *shudders*

Anyway were not going to sleep anytime soon..... Were gonna pull the couches together...

I'll b here awhile. So Howr u?

Everisse Eterna said...

Cassidy, Lego, Flame, hi!

Lego: Got cancelled too, meh. But made brownies and ordered DB, so in a pretty good mood.

Flame Phoenix said...

Hey ev Howr u?

CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...

oh im good thanks :D



i would say wbu but i already no ur probably dyin of fear !!!!!!!!!!!! :L

Flame Phoenix said...

Ya think?

I can't really say exactly whAt I want to do... The house is creaking all over...


This cud be a really good time 2 write

*considers* hmmmmm

CassidySkulduggeryClarimode said...

hello/goodbye eve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



bye everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111


dont care if halloween is now over in uk , i am going to finish my story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! go on my blog and let me no if u wanna hear it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D or just check on facebook page-


http://www.facebook.com/CassidyClarimonde/posts/237376659648994?ref=notif&notif_t=feed_comment#!/permalink.php?story_fbid=166459073448286&id=162316273862566&notif_t=feed_comment











:D thanks bye!!!!!!

lego said...

ev! hi! *hugs*

also, what was the blog that you made and I was trying to comment in but I've now forgotten the address for?

Flame Phoenix said...

Look up nugget in a biscuit on utube...

The stupidest thing ever but makes me feel better

Flame Phoenix said...

Are u leaving cass? *gasps*

Everisse Eterna said...

Bye Cass!

Lego: blogland2011.blogspot.com :-)

Flame Phoenix said...

EV I saw that people are doing the secret Santa

Everisse Eterna said...

Yeah! We're up to...twelve people now, including me. Octa, Venice and Shadow joined today.

Flame Phoenix said...

Savage make sure I get someone likes serious stuff...

Everisse Eterna said...

?

Flame Phoenix said...

Is kallista doing i? Can younfix it so I get her?

lego said...

yay, thank you! just signed up.

Also, does this mean we can't send smut? but what if I get ann? *puppy eyes*

Flame Phoenix said...

Smut?

Everisse Eterna said...

Kallista is doing it. But assignments are completely random. I have a system involving a bowl and some pieces of paper. Everyone has a fair chance, an nobody gets to pick their writer. Sorry!

Flame Phoenix said...

Aww... Ah well...

Everisse Eterna said...

Lego: Nope, sorry. Submissions will be listed on the Secret Santa blog after it's over, and everything must be appropriate. Even if it's Ann. XD

Flame Phoenix said...

What is smut?

Everisse Eterna said...

Smut = Fanfic porn. Disallowed.

Lego, you didn't put your e-mail?

Flame Phoenix said...

So basically writing something with sex innit?

lego said...

sorry, fixed.

and it's not always sex...sometimes just sexy kisses. =p

Flame Phoenix said...

Back to the kissing topic??? Remember that?

Everisse Eterna said...

I mean, if this was private
(coughandroy/edcough)
I wouldnt have minded, but you can't submit as part of the Exchange.

Flame Phoenix said...

What?

Flame Phoenix said...

My cousin can't believe were talkin bout this...

lego said...

*giggles* np...I'll do my best to keep it somewhat g-rated.

Flame Phoenix said...

Lol, oh god if only val.v was on she was giving out last time...

Everisse Eterna said...

Lego Incongruous? Death-pinky-shooter?

lego said...

*nods*

and what did val v give out? Oo

Flame Phoenix said...

Haha... We are watchin this channel and it sed d following programme contains nudity....

Men naked = bleh

Flame Phoenix said...

She was giving out thy we were talkin bout it...

lego said...

I quite like naked men. Naked people in general, I guess. =p

Flame Phoenix said...

Okaaaaaaaaay ;&

that was a bit random

lego said...

well, you did start it. and I don't hesitate to profess my love for smut.

Flame Phoenix said...

Okay I admit I did start it I apologise....

So lego read any good books, fanfic?

Everisse Eterna said...

People in general. :-P

We start out talking about Secret Santa and end up talking about yaoi.


...Me gusta.

Flame Phoenix said...

What????

lego said...

=p well, I do like quite a few of the gender neutral ones I've seen, along with the girls (which obvo stray from from fma art).

and yes, ann has trained me well. :D

Flame Phoenix said...

I saw her comment bout skeleton porn...

Everisse Eterna said...

I'd say corrupted rather than trained, but same here.

I prefer gender-neutral, but the boys for FMA and Hetalia is usually good, but I don't have any fandoms right now with good girl art...

lego said...

yeah. it's mostly on gmail chat now, due to her problems with blogger and dragona not being a fan of smut posting. but we like the yaoi (sp?) quite a bit. :D

lego said...

the girl art is less consistently good...I have to dabble around multiple fandoms to find something worthy, but it's worth it.

Flame Phoenix said...

I don't have a clue what you are talkin about but I'll guess it has to so with solo videos?? Mwn I prefer I don't no why seen as I'm a boy.... But yeah girls are good to especially when ur kissing them...

Everisse Eterna said...

She got me into it in the first place, never shipped slash before I met her.

Oh, there's good Sakura/Tomoyo art for CCS, but it's not smut since they're only in like sixth grade.

lego said...

uh...no. it has to do with fan art of two brothers kissing and doing...other things, occasionally.

and I don't actually kiss people, I just like looking at drawings of fictional (and very attractive =p) people doing so.

Flame Phoenix said...

What is shipped slash?? I'm only twelve.... Can u believe that?

Flame Phoenix said...

Oh ok.... I get it now...

Everisse Eterna said...

I mean, (I can come out on here, right? I'm fine as long as nobody IRL knows.) I'm bisexual, I like both, but yaoi's a lot easier to find, since an overwhelming percentage of fans on ffnet are straight females. I really appreciate the good yuri art, though, since it's harder to come by.

And I have to go, guys!

-hugs you both-

Goodnight!

Flame Phoenix said...

Goodnight EV... *hugs*

Flame Phoenix said...

@ Lego Ann thought u all about this?

lego said...

*hugs* yeah. I identify as gay, but sexuality is pretty amazingly fluid. so I like what I like, and I don't really care too much beyond that.

night!

Flame Phoenix said...

Okay..

lego said...

and she did. not that I wouldn't eventually have found it myself, but yeah, she introduced it to us. :D

Flame Phoenix said...

What u doing?

lego said...

with my life?

Flame Phoenix said...

No as in general... Like now and in such

lego said...

um...I'm listening to the les miserables soundtrack (which is amazeballs, btw), eating some pie, and talking with kal on the chat. *shrugs*

you?

Flame Phoenix said...

Scared witless with cousin making fun of people on toddlers and tiaras....Can u say hi to kal for me?

Flame Phoenix said...

Leggggo...

lego said...

yesssssssss?

sorry, was trying to figure blogger out.

Flame Phoenix said...

Yes it is really being a bitch lately...

Sparky Braginski said...

FLAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE DEAD MEAT BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*prepares for shock clap*

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*does hugest clap EVER throwing me through three walls behind me and Flame through 8 panes of glass and 2 concrete walls*


YOU ARE GOING TO SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flame Phoenix said...

Why, may I ask?

Sparky Braginski said...

I.AM. TANITH. LOW'S. ONLY. NUMBER. ONE. FAN. YOU. DON'T. COMPARE. TO. MY. OBSESSEDNESS. OF HER.

Flame Phoenix said...

Oh this does look interesting though......

Flame Phoenix said...

*kicks him into pond*

GET REAL sparky,

It was only a joke, jeez...

*freezes lake*

Sparky Braginski said...

I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED WITH YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flame Phoenix said...

You want to really go virtual?

NJ Maverick said...

Hello. :)
*hugs*
How are you??

lego said...

when you say "number one", how do you know? I think that one would have to measure oneself against all the other fans or something to know for sure.

Sparky Braginski said...

I'm a girl moron...

*melts lake with electricity*

And it ISN'T funny...


She's my favourite. I would rather her be real than have feet.

Sparky Braginski said...

Would these people rather have a real Tanith over FEET?

Lego I think not.

Flame Phoenix said...

Hey nj... *hugs* did u seethe fic I saved it, it's not done though...

It should but sparky here has the shortest temper....

NJ Maverick said...

Well I am Fletcher's Biggest Fan!!
He is AWESOME
HE IS THE LAST LIVING TELEPORTER PEOPLE!!

Sparky Braginski said...

Hi NJM... How goes it... I'm only angry at Flame. Actually I think it will be okay IF he agrees to me being Tanith's number one Fan.

NJ Maverick said...

I did Flame, it looks Awesome so Far :)

Flame Phoenix said...

Ok calm it like.... it is a charatcher in a book.

NJ Maverick said...

Flame Just agree with her to move on.
And Sparky, to save some typing you can just call me NJ and not NJM.

Sparky Braginski said...

I respect your love of Fletcher and I won't question it. Tanith? Tanith is MINE.

lego said...

well, then it's a completely relative thing. Like, I could now declare myself as REBECCA BLACK'S NUMBER ONE FAN EVARRRRRRRR, even though I run away when I song with her name on it comes on. *shrugs*

Flame Phoenix said...

But why wud I so THAT sparky, especially when this Is so fun!

NJ Maverick said...

Lawl, Lego

Sparky Braginski said...

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Flame Phoenix said...

Ok I think I peed you off enuff....

NJ Maverick said...

Flame, will you be finishing the story soon??
I wanna read more, Lego will you go Follow the blog PLEASE *puppydog eyes*
bringbacktanith.blogspot.com

Sparky Braginski said...

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Flame Phoenix said...

I think I do it now, iPod battery consuming....

NJ Maverick said...

I am Hungry.

Sparky Braginski said...

Agree. Or I won't stop 'Grrr"ing.

Flame Phoenix said...

Well I think I'm gonna be killed...

NJ Maverick said...

I want the 'Gr'ing to stop please.

lego said...

well, I'm totally for that. But I'm trying not to follow that many blogs, especially if you're just trying to gather support, as it gunks up my blogger dashboard, which is being rude enough already.

NJ Maverick said...

Flame, make the 'Gr'ing stop!!
Sparky, Flame gives in, you are the Ultimate Tanith Fan!!

Sparky Braginski said...

THEN AGREE!!! NJ I have absolutely nothing against you, but I NEED this.

Flame Phoenix said...

Yeah but that wud mean I would have to GIVE IN *that NEVER happens....*

NJ Maverick said...

You can still comment though.

Sparky Braginski said...

Flame? I will NOT leave until he gives in.

Sparky Braginski said...

I won't stop until HE says it.

NJ Maverick said...

Oh my.

Sparky Braginski said...

SAY IT.

Sparky Braginski said...

I must leave, but I WON'T FORGET!

NJ Maverick said...

FLAME SAY IT
FOR GOODNESS SAKE SAY IT PLEASE!!

Flame Phoenix said...

Nope... Im gonna b more persistNt than u..

NJ Maverick said...

Bye Sparky *hugs*

Flame Phoenix said...

Well bye, at least the nagging will b gone...

How r u nj?

NJ Maverick said...

I am Hungry, i will BRB gonna get a wee snack.

Flame Phoenix said...

K

NJ Maverick said...

I am back with 2 slices of toast :)
How are you??

Flame Phoenix said...

Fine now u have made me hungry... Cant get anything though....

Sparky was being annoying

I will finishe the story maybe tomoro...

NJ Maverick said...

That's okay.
It's gettin' while late for us it's nearly a quarter to three now :P

Flame Phoenix said...

Sorry If I leave suddenly...

Flame Phoenix said...

Ya I no....

NJ Maverick said...

That's okay, i might do the same, Sorry if i do as well.

Flame Phoenix said...

Yay!! My treat bag has crisps...

NJ Maverick said...

What??

Flame Phoenix said...

I went trick or treatin and I'm starving..

NJ Maverick said...

You went Trick or Treating, How old are you??

I am 15 and i have NEVER been Trick or Treating in my LIFE!!

Flame Phoenix said...

12, my younger cousins went I was bored si

NJ Maverick said...

LUCKY
What all did you get, was the candy nice??

Flame Phoenix said...

I mostly got single chewits in every house.... Bull

NJ Maverick said...

I LOVE CHEWITS!!
And now Sadly, i must scoot off to bed now.
NIGHT *hugs*

Flame Phoenix said...

Im going 2 then bye *hugs*

Sparky Braginski said...

Hello?

Sparky Braginski said...

Wow, that was a while ago. And he didn't give in.

*shakes head*

Sparky Braginski said...

Why am I ALWAYS alone after school?

Sparky Braginski said...

Other Australian kids MUST do this... I know why Misty isn't here, but honestlY WHAT ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE??? Here alone is boring... I wish Derek would talk to me...

amelie espirt said...

im here but no t for long i have to clean my room

derek i must say that was epic and i hope that you chooses me for the friend get friend comp

Sparky Braginski said...

Hey Amelie! How goes it?

amelie espirt said...

good

Sparky Braginski said...

Sweet! Cleaning your room ay?

amelie espirt said...

yeah what you doing

Sparky Braginski said...

I'm on my computer talking to you... I've already done that stuff...

amelie espirt said...

oh yeah where are you form

Sparky Braginski said...

Australia. And you?

amelie espirt said...

australia qld whatr state

Sparky Braginski said...

NSW... No daylight savings up there...

amelie espirt said...

awww that sucks cuz the people i talk to from here that liove in qld live to far away to meet so i can only talk unless derek actually comes back to australia and visits when i can see him

blubber2000 said...

stupid tanith *shakes head
*

blubber2000 said...

btw GO NZ WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

amelie espirt said...

are you still there

blubber2000 said...

yep (if ur talking 2 me ;))

Sparky Braginski said...

Yes I just had to leave for a moment. Hi Blubber!

amelie espirt said...

i was talking to sparky but what evber hellow person i dont know if i know

Sparky Braginski said...

I'm not liking Flame Phoenix very much right now.

Mistical Future said...

lol thats so funny Derek!!! i love it!!!

Sparky Braginski said...

MISTY!

Sparky Braginski said...

Is your computer lagging today Misty?

Alice Rose ♥ x said...

testing

Sparky Braginski said...

*jumps on Misty and gives a bear hug*

YAY!

Sparky Braginski said...

Hi Alice I'm Sparky.

*continues clinging to Misty and shakes Alice's hand*

How are you?

Alice Rose ♥ x said...

oh... whoops.
HEYYYYYYYYYY!
excuse the randomness above ^ was wondering if i was logged into google or not.

DID ANYONE ELSE READ THIS AT SCHOOL AND PRINT IT OUT?
because i did... c:

ASDFGHJKLWERTGBNJKI can't wait till end of friend gets friend!

Sparky Braginski said...

It's finished. No more entering. I feel a nervous pang every 30 seconds in anticipation. I know that there is a 1000:1 chance of me winning, but someone has to win- so why not me?

*grips Misty's shoulders tighter*

Sparky Braginski said...

Hello?

Alice Rose ♥ x said...

I KNOW RIGHT??!?!?!?!
I WANT TO! ASDFGHJKLWERFVBNJK SPAMMING MY HEAD WITH CHECK HIS BLOG EVERY 3 SECS!
i posted in at least 10 places... (im skulduggeryknowitall, used my wordpress to post c:)

IM GOOD. ASDFGHJKL i counted, and on thursday he should post, and if you're in australia, your 8 hrs ahead of derek, and he usually posts at 5pm, so... 1am for AUSTRALIA! damn :/ i'll be asleep :C

so.... you on deviant art? bored? facebooking? entering the SkulduggeryP-FC's comp on writing chapter one of the darkness rained upon them? reading blogs?

I'm just fb-ing, updating my sp blog, deviantart-ing and about to study for science.

Sparky Braginski said...

Here, playing game, Skyping... To be honest I REALLY annoyed one of my 'friends' with this comp... I didn't tell her about it, I brought it up today in conversation and she tried to KILL me. Thinking about I don't get what I did wrong- if she really cared that much wouldn't she look it up herself? I wake up early for training and the first thing I do every morning (4:30) I check Derek's blog... Whereabouts Australia???

lilian.thigh said...

... Tanith doesn't love Billy-Ray Sanguine.

Having some severe trouble reconciling with this.

Otherwise, fully enjoyable! ^^

Sparky Braginski said...

Hi lillian, how are you?

Arcanine said...

Ahahaa that was awesome! :D
very sinister and I got a couple of laughs out of it! :P
This really makes me want the next book even more! So long to wait! aaaahh well! chow for Now!

Sparky Braginski said...

GTG Bye.

Mistical Future said...

um ... you might what to let go!
but first
*hugs sparky back then gives bear huge*
CRUNCH
um did i brake you sparky?
*releases grip in sparky*

Alice Rose ♥ x said...

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

im alone ;^;
and don't know how to cook mince....

Kribu said...

Oh, I've missed Tanith. Even evil!Tanith, who is, actually, quite a lot of fun (and seems to have a rather worrying and unrequited attachment to Darquesse, who has probably forgotten all about poor remnant!Tanith).

Anyway, yes. A perfect Halloween story with just the right balance of gore and fun.

skulduggeryknowitall said...

maybe i should spam this...?
nah. i'll just wait~

hmmm... derek, you remind me of my uncle.
he likes horror films too.
...
my BABY SISTER RUUUULES. i think that's one of the reasons i like Alice so much.
I actually wanted to name her Alice...
but the EEEEVIL parents said noes D:
...
i like pocky.

Alice Rose♥ x

Alice Rose ♥ x said...

Hey, i wonder if Kribu will reply.

HEYYYYY KRIBU, NICE NAME!
...
i've always been too out-going...
...
oh whoops, i commented AGAIN w/ my wordpress.
...
AMAZON = FAIL. IT IS EEEVIL W/ ITS SHIPPING PRICES.
GO HERE: http://skulduggeryknowitall.wordpress.com/2011/10/22/buy-the-books-really-cheap-too/
...
there's this guy who keeps ending up on my blog by googling 'the slightly ignominious end to the legend of black annis'. I think they want to read that short story.
...
these ... have more uses than usual. i like making no sense.
...
i should probably get off now, and go read some more fanfiction. you know, in the short story above, i was expecting tanith's obession w/ darquesse because of fanfiction.
...
GOODBYE! I WILL CHECK UP SOON.

Alice Rose ♥♥x

Alice Rose ♥ x said...

Gore and fun? YEPPERS.
I can stand manga gore BUT NOT LIVE ACTION.
I HAAAAAAATE horror movies... they too scaryyyyy...
...
i need a bf. nahhhhh. SHOUJO MANGA CAN HELP MEEEEE W/ LOVE, SHONEN MANGA FOR GUNS N STUFF.
....
Goodbye for real this time hopefully.
http://skulduggeryknowitall.wordpress.com/
Alice Rose ♥ x

Mistical Future said...

hi peeps i might be popping in and out because i have stuff to do!

but hi!

Serena })i({ said...

YAY something Skulduggery related to read!!! Its amazing! Thanks Thalia for the amazing beginning :)

Alice Rose ♥ x said...

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI.
I believe we have chatted before?
YAY!
-stranger hug-

Rachel said...

Alo!! any one on the noo?

Rachel said...

eep! :P g2g... school!! O.O

have a nice day folks!!

Sparky Braginski said...

Hello? Anyone still out there?

Sparky Braginski said...

Apparently not, Bye!

Alice Rose ♥ x said...

you only waited one minute :C

im sorry im holding my lil sis... NOT! NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I LOVE 4 MTH BABIES!!!

Yoda Panda said...

My heart is broken by Evanescence... Just an idea for the opening.. I'm sure Johnny Depp will make an awesome Skulduggery Pleasant..

Yoda Panda said...

My heart is broken by Evanescence... Just an idea for the idea.. I'm sure Johnny Depp will make a fine Skulduggery Pleasant..

Liam Glynn said...

Wow, Thats just epic...!

«Oldest ‹Older   201 – 400 of 5000   Newer› Newest»